Buy a “Teriyaki Madness” Franchise in Ohio, Get An EB-5 Immigration Visa!

And other notes from our nation's proud fast-food landscape...

…Arby’s is “bringing back” the “brown-sugar bacon” sandwich option

and while you have to wonder why, if brown-sugar bacon didn’t fly the first time around, they brought it back, right?…but Ellen Rose, Arby’s Chief Marketing Officer,

has put that skeptical attitude to rest: “You’ll never want to eat a sandwich without it again!”…Well, okay, Ellen!…

…While Stewart’s, a combination gas station, roller-hot dogs and other-things chain added the crew neck sweatshirt to its in-line merch shop,

while also introducing the Spicy Chicken Wafflewich

involving “maple-infused” waffles (“Wheat flour; margarine; palm oil; soybean oil; water; salt; soy lecithin; natural flavor; vitamin A color; sugar, water fluid sugar (ii), maple syrup”) The pitch from Stewart’s HQ to franchise owners to push this “symphony of heat and sweet that’s hard to beat!”? The sandwich’s label “stands out in our warmers (heat lamps).” No plans yet for black-light warmers that make the wafflewiches glow!…

…Meantime, out in Ohio, just $200k (all cash) will get you your own Teriyaki Madness “Fast-Asian Casual” joint, featuring “Huge Bowls of Awesomeness!”

…with an awesome extra-added attraction: Legal entry to the US of A, via the State Department’s “Immigrant Investor Program” What better way to buy into the American Dream than owning a restaurant whose current promotion, offering two meals for $5 if you visit twice on the same day, is, “Your Two-Timing Will Pay Off In February?” I’m betting that the wife will appreciate her free meal of Crab Rangoon “Wrapped in a wonton and served with sweet & sour sauce, chicken eggroll on the side,” even if the crab is not actual crab, duh….

…Tough week for Popeye’s. The Troy, Michigan, shop was cited for violating child labor laws (but really, why should kids be paid as much as real people?) while in Falls River, Ma., a 19-year-old server, perturbed by a customer wondering why his order was taking so long, flung a tray at the guy and hit him in the eye. Ouch!…It’s only the chain’s second tray-throwing incident in four years!…

…Chick-fil-A’s “Bricken for Chicken” promo for Sixer games means that if tonight in Philadelphia a Milwaukee Buck misses consecutive free-throw attempts in the second half of a game (missing a free throw means you threw a “brick”), ticket-holders get a free “5-count Chick-fil-A Nuggets (ii) but would have to wait til Monday to cash in because The Chick closes on Sundays so the staff can “worship if they choose.” (iii)

(i) “Water fluid” is the best kind of water.

(ii) “Fat 40%, 18% carbs, 43% protein,” which adds up to an awesome 101%!

(iii) After a few decades of the Chick heavily backing anti-LGBTQ organizations, Chick Board Chairman Dan Catchy (net worth $9.7 billion) has recently said that they’ll stop contributing to hate groups, they swear! We really _like_ gay atheists now! Good for them!